“THE UNIVERSE TOOK AWAY MY TRUCK” (Part II of “I Lost My Purse”)

During wake, these dreams connected to three things playing out over the last several years in my life, but especially the past six months. The dreams first reminded me of an experience during the winter of 2005-06 while I was living in the San Luis Valley recovering from the life I left behind on Colorado’s Front Range. I lived in an apartment over a barn thirteen miles south of Alamosa, Colorado without a phone, television, cell phone, internet or any of the trappings connecting me with the outside world. It was my time of great solace and listening. One evening I was in bed reading with both of my cats Celia and Winston sleeping next to me. Suddenly, I felt the need to sit up, so I did. It was dead silent. I sat up and floated into a semi-meditative state. In moments I felt my body melt away and I experienced for the first conscious time this lifetime, the pure essence of the energy of who I am. I experienced billions upon billions of light gossamer energy threads orbiting in and through and around me. I experienced that I’m much larger than I ever imagined and so much more powerfully beautiful than I ever imagined. (It helped me know we are ALL like this). I reveled in it for a long time and then I had to scratch my nose. The second I moved, the experience disappeared and I was back in my physical body.

Late this fall, I was walking up the path, returning to our home from a walk. I went by the garden and then experienced a very surreal number of steps as I passed between several Juniper trees. In those moments I felt my entire body de-materialize and I experienced the essence of who I am. I was also told from the all-connected place that this is the process I would be going through and so many others would also be going through during our next segments/levels of transformation.

Lastly, since summer I’ve received similar repeated messages in channels to clients. At first I thought it was an anomaly, but it’s occurred often enough that I know now it’s a pattern many of us are and will be experiencing. The messages always follow this pattern: “what you do and who you are will be stripped down to its very essence. At some points you will feel like not a shred of anything that you know is there – but it is and will be. The essence is the most important piece and pieces of who you are and what you do.” The essences are the light energy threads we’ll be taking into the new world and the new energy. It is these essences that will eventually be the seeds we plant of ourselves that will flourish.

Coming back to present time now, for me, all of this also connects directly into another question I hear people so often saying to themselves, to me and to others: “I know I’m here for something very very important, BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS YET!” This is driving many of us crazy because we can feel the urgency of knowing clearly and truly that we are here for deep, important, powerful reasons. We are here right now for a very important time. But we can’t quite lay our hands on the certainty of it yet—even though we feel the clarity of the importance and urgency. For me, it’s the same. And this is what I can tell you: we’re not there yet. It’s very very close, but it’s not time. Instead, we are on the thresholds of the transition, the transformation that will bring us to it. And the transformation, I suspect, has something to do with the dematerialization and essences themes.

...and this connects into why I walked into the lesson of Spirit taking my truck away from me so that I would look and then see. Bear with me as I take you through another set of signs and messages.

One of the other signs surfacing in our household has to do with dimes and paper clips in relationship with pennies, my Grandfather Newby and my truck. Back in my twenties when I was valiantly struggling to live with my gift and ever-so sensitive self and heart (and barely any tools), I remember a visit with my grandparents. I can’t remember if they came to Colorado or I was in Indiana, but I do remember this. My Grandfather Newby, who is the grandparent I had/have the closest heart connection with, saw me in my painful struggle with life. He did not have the communication skills to tell me what he was thinking and feeling for me. So, he picked up a paper clip and slipped a penny inside of it and wrapped it in scotch tape and he said, “You keep Dana together.” It didn’t register to me for a long time, but somehow, I latched onto that paper clip and penny and it stayed with me for years (even through washings-because I occasionally kept it in my pocket). I think I still have it somewhere. Over the years, I understood the emotion behind his gesture and words and his love of understanding. It meant a great deal to me. (Also, over the years, ‘penny finds’ have also meant Spirit telling me that I’m on the right track and they’re thinking about me.)

Well, this past week, there have been more dimes and paperclips surfacing in our home than usual. As I was cleaning on Sunday, a dime and paperclip ended up on the kitchen table and I remembered my grandfather, so I slipped the dime inside the paperclip. Immediately I had an eerie feeling of Grandfather Newby telling me, “Dana, be sure to keep yourself together” and it fell into alignment with the eerie sense of being over-relieved that Bob and I are going to be home for Christmas this year.

Over the months of this past year, and especially leading into this fall, I have called on my grandparents regularly (three out of the four are deceased). I miss them very much and especially my Grandfather Newby and especially in the face of what I strongly sense we will soon be physically living through. My family and my parents grasp vague shades of what is to come and I feel they are ill-prepared and ill-equipped—even for all of the personal truth I’ve tried to speak to them. But Grandfather knows. He lived through the Great Depression and the Battle of the Bulge in the Great War. He experienced massive changes in his lifetime living in this country. He knew how to get through and do it strongly and with heart.

For me, I feel Grandfather Newby sees and knows, both about the physical elements of living and the spiritual ones. He truly sees who I am in my family when no one else does. He sees what I’m capable of in this lifetime, even more than I do. He knows I am at least somewhat conscious of what we are all walking into both physically and energetically. He feels like my family heart ally on the other side of the veil when I feel I’ve had so few allies in my family.

So, sometimes, I stand outside in the field and I call him and I can feel his presence come in. In those moments I tell him how much I love him, how much I miss him and I ask him how he got through during difficult times. In those moments, I’m five years old again, living in the powerful beauty of pure innocence with a crown of white light shining on my head and he is there and everything is okay. When I return to present day/time, I always feel better with my heart more open and hopeful.

I suspect its important to mention that the truck I drive used to be my grandfather’s before he died. When the estate was broken up and divvied between cousins and parents, I was given my grandfather’s truck just before my Subaru died an untimely ailing carburetor death. Sometimes I feel him riding next to me in the truck. Some days I imagine when I can no longer drive the truck, I’ll park it, fill the bed with dirt and plant oodles of flowers in it for him.

So, this brings us back to the front end of the story... Spirit taking my truck from me in the first place to cause me to look at the tea leaves of all the information filtering through. As I’ve looked/felt this information, it keeps gyrating around a point in time on the calendar as the next threshold of energy we cross through. I don’t know if this is a physical event, or purely an energy one, but at the front end of next week, more specifically December 23, 2008, we pass through some very deep, powerful energies. When I touch into that date, my heart is overwhelmed with feeling and a sense of difficulty of ‘keeping myself together.’ I feel like whatever it is might be more than I/we can bear. Great parts of me are glad I don’t know the details. I also get the deep sense it is the true point of no return — as it is the point of true commitment to this time. It is the deep end of the ocean. It is the walk out over the precipice in pure faith. It is the time we all came for. It is the time of carrying the essences of who we are into the unknown with no promises as to outcome.

So, no wonder I don’t want to look at January and February of 2009 because some sense of me knows what is coming and it scares the holy bejesus out of me and I can feel it scaring the holy bejesus out of those surrounding me. There is also some sense of me that doesn’t know what is coming and that scares me more. The sense of uncertainty is palpable and no amount of holiday cheer can erase it from the chalk board. None of us know what is going to happen, we just know something big and great is occurring — whether we are conscious of it or not.

Now, in the writing of this, several days have passed since I left my truck at Lisa and Laurie’s. Yesterday morning, Bob and I decided it was a good window in this perpetual snowstorm to retrieve my truck. We hiked down Bardin Drive admiring the beautiful scenery and patterns of snow lying on everything across the valley. We dug my truck out of the snow, strapped on the cables to the wheels (which Bob wonderfully remembered I had) and we drove her out. My nervousness from the previous evening resurfaced and as we drove up the hill Bob said to me, “In my most difficult driving situations it’s been the will and presence I held through the tires that got me through. I focus forward and feel the road in spite of the weather obstacles or the bad things that could happen. So, don’t project on the obstacles, keep your wheels on the road and keep moving forward.” And then, his brain made a funny click that we all do sometime and he began singing a funny little song, “We’re on our way to the perfect place...” (Turns out, the song was Yogi Bear singing in a 1970’s cartoon!)

Bob’s thoughts link to something Spirit told me last night. I was standing out in the cozy warmth of a silent, snowy blanketed, held, wintery world. Durango’s lights were reflecting in a warm glow off the clouds to the north. The surrounding countryside seemingly twinkled, even in dark. The silhouettes of trees and fence posts surrounded me in their scatter. Although I couldn’t see the deer, I could feel their presences foraging in the night. In the quiet, Spirit showed me this in feeling and pictures that I translate here in words: “The world will turn to illusory chaos. What we know to be true about the light, the time, the love and truth in our hearts will not necessarily be the reflected in the physical world for a time. They showed me it will be necessary for a time to walk in the world within a column of light and know the truth of the light in my heart, my essence, my being, even though it might not be so in the outside physical world. Here, in this column of light, here is where I/we keep our sanity, hold our walk, anchor the light of the new time in the face of the old energy, old world falling away. This is how we hold ourselves without getting washed away by the physical deluge of change. Here is where we practice our commitment to what we came for. When we walk in this column of light we are in the energies, the energies flowing to and through us.”

So, as I write this with dainty, but also very goddess Isis-like Celia snoring in my lap and snow thudding to the ground from the roof, I’ve finally come to understand why its so difficult for me to look into this time, especially January and February 2009. Despite my fears, doubts and concerns, like all of you, I am being asked to trust, even in the parts of my soul that are cracked and broken from this lifetime and other lifetimes, and walk into the unknown armed with little more than the faith of practicing what we’ve all been learning for so long — and trusting that everything is okay and we’re all taken care of. As one of my clients put it so succinctly this summer, she said, “You mean I actually have to apply everything I’ve been learning?” Yes, the answer is yes. The time is now