May, June and July 2009 Energies Larger projects have derailed my usual consistent efforts at writing about current energies. Thanks to a couple of friendly reminders, it's time to come back with a few words about the energies we're living through... Coming out of the end of April, there seemed to be an energy surge, but then sooner than expected, it seems we've landed in more than our fair share of difficult energies for the month of May, really challenging us to look at and work with the things coming up from the deeper regions of our psyches. To me, this time right now feels like the dirt beneath the disc of a plow. Things are heavier, but getting turned over and the deeper things in life are still being turned up. This heavier churning energy feels like it extends through this week, deepens the week of the 18th (almost past our breaking points) and then begins to lighten. Although, not necessarily the fun stuff, it is ultimately our time and opportunity to look at, work with, heal and purge. Remember - when we fight these things, it makes it worse (as you'll see in my story below). It's most beneficial to us and those around us when we choose to say, "Okay, I'll sit with this one, look at it, allow it, shine light upon it, cry with it, be angry with it, honor myself with it (whatever needs to occur) and then release it." This is all in a process of healing. And though much of what is coming up may not be fun or easy, the energies are with us to assist us through this process. Remember, these energies are allowing us to access things we might not ever be able to. It truly is a time of miraculous energies. So, as the plow of life sifts up your unfinished business, instead of rolling under all of it, be present, come to surface and be with your 'all' during this time. (Another great source of information for May 2009 energies is the Astrology Interview with Mike Guttman and Carol Tyrrel. They reference some amazing energies really pulling at us and working with us this month.) The good news is, these heavier energies never last. In June, we have a bit of a reprieve. Every time I touch into June, I feel incredible waves of light – albeit choppy, but much more light. June is our breathing room, breathing time. What I find incredible is that after we live through a time like May, coming out the other side we are much stronger, more whole and more present. Every time I dip down into the depths and muckiness of healing wounds, coming out the other side, I feel that much more clear, energized, strong and happy. I hope you are experiencing the same. This entire process shows me that the evolutionary cycles we are panning through are growing closer and closer and more amplified as we gather momentum into the back end of 2011 (where I suspect our first major energy platforms are). The other comment that I have about June 2009 – and you'll probably be hearing more and more about this through the weekly updates I send out – June is the time, the window, that is VERY IMPORTANT for all of us to be and act upon and hold and anchor and run the authentic light of who we are in synergy with Mother Earth. If you are still standing on the sidelines (and I hope you're not), now is the time to be in the pool. This means, whatever it is that you feel compelled to do or be that is the essence of the authentic soul of who you are THIS IS IT. And June 2009 is ESPECIALLY IT. For some reason, all compasses have pointed to me that June 2009 is the time of all times to stand in our truth (the authentic essence of who we are), and run our light and anchor our light with Mother Earth below and the Unity Consciousness Grid above. This is an 'all hands on deck' call. Keep in mind – there is not really a wrong way or right way to do this. The main thing is let's do it! And here's the information I've begun to pick up on leaking in as to the why: For whatever energies we are anchoring with light in June 2009, something is occurring (and I suspect energetically) in July 2009 that is pivotal and I mean PIVOTAL as to how our evolution is facilitated. I know this is all a bit fuzzy and foggy (it is for me too) – but the compelling energies and feeling is this: whatever we are anchoring and amplifying in June 2009 somehow filters through, facilitates through energy windows in July 2009 that determines how we move forward. The tidbits of information I've received through have shown me that this June/July synergy is about creating a focused collective consciousness of light that bumps us to whole new levels... that then begin to make newer light technologies available to us as well as whole other levels of consciousness so that we can facilitate change on this globe like we have never seen before. So - whatever you do in June 2009 - anchor and shine the very quintessential light of the essence and truth of who you are. We need you and we need you to participate! (Summer Solstice in June of this year is never a better time to party with light with bunches and groups and crowds of people and souls!) Briefly, as I've written about before, this month and June seem to be our last windows of making any further preparations before heading into the remainder of the year. I know the headlines are beginning to read recovery and things have calmed down a bit on the news front. But do not be lulled into a sense of submission that things are over. Bob has been walking around lately mumbling about "it feels like the calm before the storm." Although I'm the professional psychic in the household, I always pay attention to Bob's vibes as he seems to have a line on being a walking wise man (as so many of you men are. As a side comment, I have never met so many quiet, walking, wise Buddha men as I am aware of these days. Gentlemen, there may be a lot of women power coming up on this planet considering the wave of feminine energies coming into balance with male energy. But we need you too. Your insights, grounded-ness, calmness and strength are invaluable.) So, this is breathing room and somewhat a last window of opportunity to put into place whatever preparations you deem important. Sometime in July, but especially September we head into the thick of the storm again. By storm, I mean dramatic changes for this time of transformation. I've begun to put energy lines out occasionally on the 'what is coming up' for us over the next several years. I have to tell you that over the previous two years I've experienced/seen the situations we'll be living through as everything from a fairly level transition to shut down and cataclysm. Touching in to what's coming, some days it feels like we'll be living in intermittency, touch and go and things progressing gradually. Other days it feels like there is shut down, a time of dormancy and hibernation and then a time of coming out into a completely new way of consciousness and life. It could be this or something else. The way of the ride all depends upon our collective choices as a mass consciousness. Yes, we are always shaping the potentials. Whether you know it or not, we've already slid by half a dozen major cataclysm windows (believe me, I FELT them) and we're choosing our way serendipitously through some pretty strong positive potentials. That's powerful! We, as a collective are AMAZING (the illuminati and cabal and industrial military complex ain't got NOTHIN' on this). So, if there is anything I've learned living through the Spirit Guidance that has come and gone during these potentials it's this – NOTHING and I mean NOTHING is set in stone as to HOW we are going to get there (where-ever there is). But I sense, without a shadow of a doubt, we are going, it's going to be one hell of a ride and we will, in one, way, shape or form 'get there.' Since none of us really know where 'there' is – all of us are riding on a hell of a lot of faith and trust. And I think that's about the best any of us can do. I also firmly believe, and this deepens as I live through more experiences – we truly and totally are taken care of. The universe knows every single one of us exists and this time of transformation is a great celebration (even on the days we feel crappy), and each and everyone of us is embraced and taken care of by the universe. So - that's the energy update for this round. Last night I wrote this piece about "Planting A Garden Is An Act Of Faith," personifying some of my personal story about the latest round of tending to what the plow has earthed up in my psyche. I suspect many of you are experiencing similar things in your own ways. My friend, Linda, said last night that she feels much of the population is just getting squeezed – and we're all having to deal with our 'stuff.' As a side note, please know that between this writing and some of my previous updates that I've had some amazing and wonderful energies in between, as well as just some very good days and weeks. My life is not always like this and I do enjoy the fruits of these things passing and feeling more healed and whole in parts of my psyche than I ever have before. I hope you are too. Planting A Garden Is An Act Of Faith Warm weather is arriving with gusto here in southwest Colorado and along with it, garden planting time. Usually, I would consider this topic too mundane to write about (although I absolutely love plants, love my hands in the soil and love planting). But the turn of the events around the globe and in my personal life make it very compelling this year. Bob and I had set aside this past Saturday and Sunday to both prepare and then plant our garden. The combination of my Virgo attentiveness to detail and agenda and Bob's propensity to grounded-ness surely made this activity a done deal... maybe. As I geared out of Friday and into Saturday morning, I noticed I was laboring in more miserable emotion than I should have been for no apparent reason. What made it worse was that it was an absolutely gorgeous day. The birds were singing, the sky was clear, the bees were buzzing, the chickens were running around in their lovely chicken glory and the green was coming up all around us. I had absolutely no reason to be out-of-sorts. I remember in the dreariness of February, pining for a day like I had on Saturday morning. I chalked it up to my moon in sync with the full moon and maybe other global energies and I decided to treat it with an attitude of 'I'm ignoring how miserable I feel and I'm just going to push through this time.' After the long winter of purging energetic layers, I'd decided 'damnit, I just want to live! Enough of this metaphysical, sitting-with-it nonsense!' (Mm-hmm, you can see where this is going). For the most part, I successfully powered through Saturday with Bob. He turned the ground with a spade and I followed after, breaking the ground further with hoeing. As sometimes happens when physically active, I became aware of sub-conscious things bubbling to the surface. Among them, were thoughts of my mother and Mother's Day the following day. I haven't written about my relationship with my mother very much (I think that time is coming). It's been strained, at best, and recently, because of my own decisions to take care of myself with better boundaries, it's almost non-existent. So, the guilt tugs of Mother's Day were heavy on me. Also, during this time, a very clear vision of the face (and nothing more) of a silvery, luminescent Divine E.T. hovering within my energy field. I thought it was a nice connection, but I was also curious because this hasn't occurred for me outside energy healing sessions, my own psychic work with others, dream land and meditations. But sure enough, this Divine E.T. hovered with me and my hoe. So, Bob spaded and I hoed and for the most part, we completed the six sections of the garden by mid-afternoon. We were happy with our labors, considering just a year ago, the ground had been hard-tack clay soil and just one year of gardening and composting was beginning to break it up into the beginnings of decent, working soil. (Mind you, Bob gets a great deal of the labor credit on this one!) Afterwards, I showered and curled up on the couch with a book while Bob went into the kitchen to bake an apple pie. I gave myself a reading reprieve with "Prepare for the Landings" by Michael Ellegion, a new release edited by my friend, Marcia Walker (for those of you hungering for some solid information about the Divine E.T.'s and connection with star family, this is a good one). I could not have chosen to read a more timely, interesting and eclectic book. And I wondered if the book was the connection for the Divine E.T. I'd been gardening with to appear and be with me in my energy field. As I read, I found myself devouring Ellegion's work and the information in the book succeeded in amplifying my unsettling and underlying unhappiness even more. Michael's connections and experiences with his star family, especially during his close scrapes with the cabal, couldn't help but remind me of my connections with my star family. I missed them with a deep pang in my heart. I finished out the day with a deep hurt, paired with a deep missing in my heart, neither of which I could understand or pass beyond. I decided whatever it was, I was going to have to ride this one out. Sunday morning dawned and I felt physically fine and emotionally worse and the beauty of the day mocked me more powerfully than ever. Whatever tilt of a vortex I was walking through, it sure had me in its grip. Yet, being the stubborn, part-Irish, part-German girl that I am, I was not going to give in that easily! So, Bob and I soon headed back to the garden with seeds, a map for our planting, rake and hoe. It was time to level out the bumps, make the rows and put the seeds in the ground. I couldn't even start on the first section of planting without picking an argument with Bob (who does not take to arguing easily). The entire time of picking the argument with him, and then with myself, another part of me observed and wondered 'what the hell are you being so silly for?!' Somehow, Bob and I figured out how we were going to make the rows and plant and we started. But I didn't get very far before my psyche could hold on no longer and I let go. I have to hand it to myself. I do throw a whale of a pity-party, victim-hooded, guilt-ridden, pain-sailing, angry-boiling, unhappiness-sodden fit. You know the kind... it comes up out of you like a storm and wails through out of control. And you wonder where it all comes from, but you can't stop it, and your rational, level-souled, adult self disappears for a few terrifying moments. I spun out of control in one fell swoop, like a mad woman wailing on the ground with my hoe (which felt like a four-head hoe wind-mill), yelling at the inequities of the world, trying to pick a fight with myself, Bob and the garden all at the same time. Bob watched me with a stunned look on his face like, "where is my woman and what did you do with her?" Fortunately, his grounded-ness is his sticking point and he has taken to saying lately, "Women are not to be understood, they are to be loved." Which I heard him saying to himself more than once that morning. He wisely did not try to fix whatever it was that needed fixing for me at that moment. He didn't even attempt to step into the fray (women waving hoes aren't very safe). He just stood by until I wore myself out and bumped myself down on the ground on my butt like a small child and cried. (I'm pretty sure at that point, I was living in arrested development at five years of age). The cry helped and I figured at that point Bob, nor the garden much needed my help. All I knew is that I felt like my heart chakra had been blown completely through like someone had blown me open with an energetic shotgun–and so far, I had absolutely no evidence as to they 'why' in the situation. So, I went to let the chickens out for their day of running in the sun and claimed a few bags of organic potting soil in the shed to help the new seedlings along. By the time I returned, I'd regained my composure, along with a stunning amount of embarrassment and a few beginning tendrils of wondering what the (hell??!!) cause of the storm was that I had just weathered along with a blown out heart chakra. I've learned over the past ten years, that my body and energy field usually knows about and reacts to events before my conscious, cognizant brain does. Somehow my fine-tuned system picks up and starts processing things before my consciousness tags a line on what is really occurring. Even with all the practice I've had, it's still horribly disorienting and emotionally disheveling when I live through these episodes. Gradually, I've learned there is a rhyme and a reason. So, I did about the only thing I could do and that was to return and continue with garden planting. That choice proved sound and wise. By the time I'd planted two rows of beans and one row of peas (while Bob stayed a safe distance), clarity and a certain amount of shaky calm began to flow through me as I pushed the Oregon Sugar Snap Peas into the soil. I reckoned that even if I didn't understand why I was emotionally responding to something I had no clue about, the earth, the sun, the seeds, still were a great way to come back to center. And it continued like this through the planting of the beets and the spinach and the kale. By the time I arrived at the Butter Crunch Lettuce, the visions began flowing telling me more about my emotional storm. The first vision showed me standing, in the middle of a pouring rain, on the edge of the last garden I'd kept over five years ago in Laporte, Colorado. This was the garden I'd kept during my time with my ex-husband. The garden had beautiful, loamy, river-bottom soil that was never able to produce to full potential because it was ringed nearby with Cottonwood, Elm and Willow trees cutting off its full sunlight. This did not deter me and year after year, I tilled the soil and found the plants that would grow there. Some vegetable, some herb, but mostly, flowers. Joe, my ex-husband, regularly mocked me at planting time because he thought it was a waste of time. But it was one of the few things that gave me satisfying pleasure at that time of my life. So, each year, I wrestled with the tiller, and carved the rows out with a hoe and cajoled this bit of earth into creating something. I loved looking out in mid-summer, mid-day and seeing the hummingbird moths, the bees, the butterflies feeding from the blossoms. And deep down, I knew I'd done something good. It was my connection to the Earth. At the end of the marriage, my body and energy field knew the marriage was done before I allowed this information to register in my conscious brain. It was five years ago this spring I stood on the edge of my garden in Laporte, Colorado in a pouring rain, looking at all the plants I'd just unearthed from my garden and the empty, cavernous holes that had been my garden. I'd put the plants in black plastic greenhouse pots to transport to my parent's home in Greeley. The plants were to replace their landscaping, destroyed in a job repairing and replacing their septic system. I stood there looking at the holes in the earth that had been my garden for a good five years and it was all gone. I half grieved something that I didn't know yet what I was grieving for. I was sad about the plants, but it was more. It was then, I knew, something was changing in my life and I would not be turning back. Several months later I left Joe. Now I know, when we unearth our plants and move them, something is afoot. I consciously returned to present time in my garden in Durango and the movie reel that I'd just watched about that time in my life was like Spirit saying, "See, the last time you planted a garden, you weren't supported, you received something wonderful out of it, but then you had to give it up and give it away. Your act of faith was swept away in your life." As I put the carrots and the celery seeds in the Durango garden ground, slowly, I realized the last time I planted a garden, it never fully grew to fruition, I never felt fully supported in planting and keeping it, and in the end, I'd dug up all my beloved plants and given them away. Though I felt like my plants had gone to a good place, and my parents cultivated them into some healthy, beautiful beings, two years later, they sold their property, and my plants were gone for good from my life. As I stuck a stick in the ground marking the carrots, I realized I'd never really fully grieved loosing my plants, which were one of the few acts of faith I had held onto during a time everything else had fallen apart. It dawned on me that planting the garden in Durango with Bob was much more than just tilling soil and putting seeds in the ground. It was/is an act of faith that these plants will mature and produce. That things will work out. That the sun, the rain, the soil will work with us. I said to Bob as we worked together, "You know, planting a garden truly is an act of faith." He looked at me and remarked that he was happy to see a sense of semblance return to the person he knows and loves. We talked about how gardening is an act of faith of the plants rooting in the soil and leafing into the sun. It's an act of faith that the weather will turn with you. It's an act of faith that the plants will pollinate and produce fruit. It's an act of faith that it will all come to fruition. As I settled into these thoughts and let myself be with them, it occurred to me that no wonder my heart chakra had blown out and my psyche had thrown a fit. The last time I'd planted a garden, my heart had broken multiple times in multiple disappointments and I'd never allowed myself to grieve because my life had raced on in tumult and chaos. No wonder I'd become a mad-woman slashing my hoe at the ground. I was re-opening a space inside my soul that was very wounded, risking again that maybe I could plant a garden, this time with someone. And maybe this garden could come to fruition. Maybe I wouldn't have to abandon my garden, giving away my plants to people who eventually gave them up too. Maybe this is a garden I can keep. Again and again I felt the feeling of, planting a garden is an act of faith. And I'm acting on faith again. I'm planting a garden again. Through these sensations, it also occurred to me that around the world, people are planting gardens – inspite of and many because of the great change and transformation we feel and see coming. I know. You know. We are all intrinsically bound through our connection with Mother Earth of all things natural. And inspite of the on-coming storm of the great change ahead, and maybe because of it too, people are planting. We're all planting seeds into the bosom of Mother Earth on the faith that roots will root, stems will leaf and blossom and fruit will grow. That's a pretty big feeling of encouragement right there. The Book As I finished putting the radishes and onions into the ground, my heart was beginning to feel a bit of balm and calm and healing through it. But, alas, the day was not over. Three sections were planted now and it was time to start on the fourth. Bob had finished prepping the rest of the soil and needed to drive into town. So, I stayed in the garden, continuing planting with the rows of cucumbers and corn feeling somewhat relieved. I liked putting the corn in the soil, feeling it was a nod to the ancient Anasazi on the land. And by then, maybe I understood a bit better the source of my emotional unhappiness over the past several days and the source of the storm that had passed through me that morning. When Bob came home with our collection of mail from the post office, I went up to the house for a bit of a break and some water. In the pile of mail was a large manilla envelope that looked familiar. It was my SASE envelope with my book proposal, "When Elephants Fly," coming back from Bear Publishing. My manuscript was rejected. I didn't mentally register the envelope at first. Gradually, as I took in what it meant, that I was receiving my book proposal back, I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. But considering I'd already travelled through one emotional storm that day, I didn't feel like going through another. As I felt the waves roll, I shuttered them down, like closing the shutters on a house before a hurricane arrived, pressing myself in against the storm. I tried to be okay with it as best as possible and went with Bob, back out to the garden to plant the rest of the seeds. There was just the squash and melons left. Bob had decided to plant them in circles around rocks placed in the center of the circles, Anasazi style. (The Anasazi used to plant their corn and squash in circles around rock piles. The rocks would collect dampness and dew that would help keep their crops moist in the arid climate). As we planted the remaining seeds, I tried to keep the emotional waves at bay, but they raced ahead of me. My mind erratically ran from one emotional topic to another as I took it all in quietly. I had received such strong guidance from Spirit first about writing the book and then specifically about which publisher to send it too. I had given the book proposal every ounce of my attention and energy and followed the specifics of guidance about how to present the book. Even though I sent the book proposal off with my heart racing and my gut unsettled, I held so much faith that things would work out in the positive that it never occurred to me I'd receive the book proposal back with a photo copied card with standard rejection wording (Bob gently pointed out that evening, "Dana, who hits a hole-in-one when submitting their book to a book publisher?" I thought, I don't know, me. I've hit holes-in-one with Spirit Guidance. But I guess that's is a little much to ask of book publishing). As I planted squash and melon seeds with Bob around Anasazi styled rock cairns I could not help but reiterate the wisdoms I'd learned earlier in the day: "Planting a garden is an act of faith." Eerily ringing behind it, "Sending a book proposal to a book publisher is an act of faith." Even though I didn't want to go there while planting squash seeds, the book rejection dumped me into the deep end of unhealed wounds that gradually I've been working through healing. But evidently, I'm not quite 'there' yet, because the number one feeling that kept running through me about the book wasn't even about the book! All I kept hearing and feeling was the phrase, 'she didn't want me, she didn't want me, she didn't want me.' Essentially, the book proposal rejection was not so much a rejection of the book as it was replaying the old wound of my own mother not wanting me. This mixed with the emotional tumult of Mother's Day, the guilt of not calling Mom and not wanting to talk with her in the first place. Briefly, it psychically registered that Mom was creating her emotional soup on her end and sending it my way. And fleetingly I also wondered 'just when did that envelope land in my mail box?' (As it turns out, the envelope with the rejected book proposal was in the box Friday, just about the time I start feeling unhappy). As these feelings and recognitions surfaced, so did the movie reels of my twenties and being rejected from MFA writing programs and my poetry being rejected from publications, and the same self destructive, caved-in feeling reappeared like clock work. I thought, how am I ever going to move beyond the wound with my mother so that I can successfully publish the words and books that I love? I felt beat. And just about then, the garden was planted. It was time put the gardening tools away, put the chickens in their pen, shower and pack the beautiful apple pie Bob had baked the previous evening and drive up a mountain to have dinner with friends on top of said mountain. A Walk In The Woods We drove up the mountain, past the pile of boulders and rocks that looked like a gigantic frog and arrived in the driveway like nothing at all had happened that day. The gift was good wine, great food and lovely conversation. But the walk in the woods with Bob, Paul, LindaMarie and Maggie the Golden Retriever and her neighbor dog friend was my favorite. Between dinner and dessert and during the tide of golden light marking the scenery prior to dusk, we opted for a walk in the woods on the mountain. As we walked, Paul told me about the un-canniness of perceptual filters. Last August, given the great amount of rain that had fallen in July, the mountains in his area sprung to life with a diverse array of lively and vibrant mushrooms. He'd spent much of his extra time then, on his belly, videoing mushrooms. He compared this to his recent perceptual filter of walking through the forest only focused upon lichen. Then he compared this to how different a walk in the woods is when you're only looking for birds' nests. Each perceptual filter granting a completely different view of the world than the one before. The entire conversation about filters got me to thinking about my perceptual filters – the ones I'm aware of in my life, but more particularly, the ones I am not. I wondered, what are my mushroom and lichen and bird nest filters of my life? It occurred to me that some of the wound filters I've looked through my entire life have primarily been of the unconscious kind. And though finally bringing them to the surface, albeit painful, I was at least beginning to be conscious of my filters. I wondered what my life would be like once I was finally not looking through the viewfinder, both conscious and unconscious, of the wounds between my mother and me. How would I live my life if I was not constantly consciously and unconsciously bracing myself through and around that one? I couldn't give myself a definitive solution at the moment. There'd already been enough in the day, so throwing a few sticks for Maggie and then eating Bob's pie was perfect consolation.
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